This is really tough. That must sound like I’m stating the obvious, but in the last two weeks I have discovered the difference between knowing that it’s going to be hard and experiencing it. Being hit in the stomach by it. Months ago someone asked me if I would blog honestly about the day I hit the wall and whether I would share that experience as openly as I’ve been sharing the highs and I naively said yes. So here goes.
I hit the wall. There are so many cheesy sports quotes I could use about getting up stronger and pushing through the pain …… but the only one that resonates right now is when Mike Tyson said “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
I trained really well all week. My nutrition and recovery was good. I trusted the process that has served me so well for the last 6 months and set off on my long run wondering how close I would come to my Edinburgh Half time. Normally my final 5 kilometres on a long run are pretty good. I like to empty my petrol tank, but on this day it felt like I had accidentally filled it with Diesel. I literally couldn’t find anything to give. My legs were weaker than Gareth Southgate’s gameplan to beat Scotland in the Euros. I felt sick.
Then came the emotion. 6 months of hard work felt like it had disappeared in one hour and 20 minutes. I was filled with frustration, guilt and questions. How badly I had let myself down. Why couldn’t I push through? Do I lack the mental toughness needed for this year? When all of the little ‘wins’ melt away - the weight loss, the PB times and Strava kudos, the funny stories about kit - suddenly there is nowhere to hide from Mike Tyson’s truth. Getting punched in the mouth hurts. Hitting the wall hurts.
I’m trying to end this blog on a positive note and I guess it’s the fact that I’m still going despite a bloody lip and severely bruised sense of confidence. I have a black eye but my eyes are open. I’m going to fail many times and have to keep going and that sucks. I also know now that I’m going to keep getting punched again and again over the next 9 months and that this year isn’t my friend. It’s an angry version of Tyson Fury that wants to hurt me. I’ve made it through the third round - only 9 to go.
I have heard it said before that the best way to prepare for someone punching you in the mouth - is to actually let someone punch you in the mouth - and I would be willing to do
this for you to help you prepare buddy.
i do not know anyone who is mentally tougher than you bro. I’m so glad you hit this wall so early on when there is still so much time to learn from it and make that wall submit to your will.
but like I said if the problem is the punching in the mouth part … I’m your guy
You’re on track. A good moment to turn round and see how far up the mountain you are. The air is a bit colder and a bit thinner and there are fewer trees, but that’s as expected. And boy, what a view…. !
Wear that pain like a badge of honour Comrade. You are defeating it one step at a time. Proud of you and the sheer determination you are displaying. Viva.
Here’s another cheesy one…. It’s not about how many times we get knocked down, it’s how many we get back up!
..this was difficult to read my boy